He takes a bite out of the soda popsicle bought from the nearest convenience store and sighs in relief– finally, he’s done with his office work. Now, he can take a breather by going on a simple stroll. The sweltering sunlight in the afternoon is unforgiving, hence he finds himself sweating profusely, his motivation to walk melting away with his popsicle.
He finds a discrete area around Lumina Square to enjoy the solitude, hiding himself from the bustling streets and heavy traffic. He cherishes moments like these, where he can be himself for a while, not as a member of Section 6, but as Asaba Harumasa.
“Yes, Yanagi, don't worry,” His phone rings and Asaba gulps, quivering to her fury, thus he picks up and answers, “I’ll get that sorted, immediately.” He frowns, muscle tensing the seriousness of the investigation– Yanagi provides intel that there are still Bringer’s remnant forces lingering nearby, and they had increased in power especially after the fall of Bringer– it's up to him to eliminate those forces before they obstruct the governance of New Eridu.
He’s supposed to go home and rest now– but, maybe taking a detour isn't bad.
“Mommy!” A bangboo yelps, raising its tiny hands, jumping up and down energetically– almost as if he's waiting to be held.
“I’m not your mommy.” The Red Scarf of Sons of Calydon sighs, patting his head. The bangboo seemed happy judging from his reaction, jumping more enthusiastically now, nudging Lighter’s palms for more head pats.
“Yo, long time no see, Lighter.” Asaba waves his hand as he approaches the fighter, a radiant grin on his face– one that sparks trouble. Like a cat ready to hunt for its prey.
“Yeah, do you need anything?” Lighter murmurs, picking up the bangboo with his arms, pulling it into a hug. He can hear the little one squeal in happiness, leaning onto his chest.
“Nah, just passing by,” Asaba laughs, humored by the scene, “that’s your kid? How old is he now?” And he points at the bangboo, trying his best to control his facial expression.
“Daddy!” The Bangboo suddenly calls, pointing at Harumasa.
Before Lighter could even respond, both of them took a step back, trying to get away from the awkward tension.
“...what?” Never will one day Asaba expect himself to become a single dad. He still hasn't reciprocated the hug yet, forgetting about the Bangboo who wailing, still waiting for a hug.
“Looks like this one malfunctioned,” Lighter coughs, “we should contact the Phaeton to fix it.”
“Mommy…” the bangboo cries, going back to Lighter for a hug after being ignored by Asaba. “Now look at what you have done to the poor kid.” Lighter teases, stroking the bangboo’s ears.
“Man, sorry there little guy…” He apologizes, and his heart shatters when the Bangboo turns his head away from him, a loud and audible ‘hmph’ which cracks Lighter up. “Don't get wounded up, Asaba.”
“I’m not! Anyways, thank you for the info provided, Section 6 managed to compile it well and it's now turned over to H.A.N.D. ”
“Pleasure doing business with you.” Lighter hums, “anything else?”
“So,” Asaba claps his hands together, reminded of his mission later, “I'm going to investigate port Elpis later. Speaking of this, I have an important task for you! Don't worry I'll pay as usual. Help me eliminate Bringer’s remnant forces there. You know, like what we did, old times?”
“Got it boss,” Lighter whistles, “been yearning to exercise my fists.”
They finally disposed off the enemies, what's left now is to transmit a signal.See AlsoIntrusive Thoughts - OCD ActionReligion of the Obsessive-compulsive: Orphaned Internal ObjectsVisualise a pink elephant and then try to stop: What the ‘Pink Elephant Test’ tells us about intrusive thoughts
Walking up the steep road and spiraling stairs, they made their way to the lighthouse. The sea breeze blows strongly, howling at both of the intruders, as if it’s a warning to leave– and Asaba scrunches his face when a few strands of hair pricks his eyes, obstructing his vision.
“Take this.” Lighter sighs, and removes his sunglasses, handing it towards Asaba, who gives him a cheeky grin in return. Yeah, Lighter decides that Asaba looks comically stupid with those sunglasses on– he just couldn't hide his faint smile. The archer unbuckles his tool case and repairs the data collection system, linking it with the Bangboo workbench. “Whew! Finally finished, I'm so exhausted.” He yawns lazily, stretching his arms, and makes his way towards Lighter, who's observing the tides.
“Say Lighter, have you ever thought about jumping down from here? Letting your intrusive thoughts win a little? Who knows what’s lurking underwater.” Asaba jokes, leaning on the handrail, directing his gaze towards the other instead of the sea.
Lighter watches as the ocean rises up, only to be swallowed by the massive Hollow in front of them. Like a black hole, it gulps down the sea water hungrily, not even sparing the seagulls nearby. His thoughts drift along with the waves, which carries them to the end.
“Yeah, I did.” Lighter mutters, “it would be romantic.” He tosses a lemon candy into his mouth, the tangy fizz pricks his nerves. “To die somewhere peaceful.” His expression softens, adjusting his scarf.
“Woah woah, like sink under the ocean?” Asaba hums, and graciously accepts the lemon candy Lighter had offered, despite not being a fan of sweets.
“Yeah. I guess it would be nice to die in the ocean’s embrace. Cradled by the seabed.” Lighter approves of Asaba’s suggestion, giving him a faint nod.
“Hah, that's strange, never knew you were this pessimistic.” Taken aback, Asaba finds himself intrigued with Lighter’s perspective, the melancholic vows contrasting with his fiery demeanor in the outer ring. “Almost as if I'm talking to a new person entirely.”
Lighter doesn't respond to his comments, but listens to his ramble.
“So… I just realized we have known each other for a very long time now.” Asaba coughs, getting Lighter’s attention.
“Yeah,” and Lighter directs his attention back to him, “what do you want to say, boss?”
“I've never really asked you what your mercenary days were like. So, mind sharing your story? In return, I'll exchange mine.” A smile plastered on his face, Asaba is confident with his offer. “Fair deal, isn't it?”
“I suppose it can be summarized as a reckless story at best. Four ambitious pals decided that they, together, can even conquer the Hollow itself– but now, only one lives to tell the tale. The survivor who is the manifester of their misery.” He exclaimed in a tone of sorrow, or perhaps nostalgia even– the bittersweet fondness of the past weaved together with their tragic deaths.
Dane, Nick and Ratena. He wonders what they felt trapped in that hollow. Did they blame him for his failed strategies, perhaps cursed at him for dragging them down to hell? Did they die of blood loss, being targeted by a group of Ethereals, their wounds spilling crimson with each retaliation? Did they scream, and fight, wishing he was the one dead instead?
Their reckless, blissful, fleeting youth came to a halt, now it crumbles away like dried leaves, crushed up and decaying in the filthiest ground. A part of himself went with them too– now Lighter feels like he lives to repent his sins, because who else would remember this, if not him?
He glances into the Hollow, and sees them. He knows they are trapped there, somewhere, probably screaming for help. “Lighter– Lighter–” They would call, tears streaming down their face, as the Ethereals caught up to their footsteps, “what should we do next, Lighter?” Panic, anger, distress, and despair. “Save us, Lighter. Please, save us!” Alas, their voice couldn't reach him, as by the time Lighter notices their call, they've lost their last breath.
And it's his fault, because how could he fail them? They should have just cursed him for eternity, and torn him into shreds. He would have felt better if they did. Lighter knows them too well– they always, always manage to forgive him, even if he doesn't deserve it. “Lighter–” they would call, “please be safe.”
“Oh.” Asaba gulps, “that’s awfully sad.” Now he feels bad for taunting him. Lighter too, was once loved.
“Yeah, I guess you can say that.” Lighter averts his attention back to Asaba, and Asaba swears he caught a tear rolling down Lighter’s cheek. Perhaps it was sweat, or something else– he doesn't think it's appropriate for him to comment.
“But I'm glad that you lived. You still have time to correct your mistakes. The Sons of Calydon still needs you, right?” Asaba has never been good at comforting people, it's just not his expertise. Somehow, he feels the need to do it, just this one time. His heart races, observing Lighter’s reaction– the fighter leans closer to the handrail, discerning the big Hollow, muttering something Asaba can't hear clearly.
“What about yours?” Lighter suddenly asks, “Now that I've shared mine, I suppose I deserve to hear yours too.”
You're really bad at hiding your emotions, Lighter– but Asaba decides he's kind enough to not burst his bubble.
“Have you heard of Ether Aptitude Regression Syndrome?” He proceeds, uncaring if Lighter answered his question or not. “Basically, imagine terminal cancer, but I turn into an Ethereal in the end.” Maybe the same ethereal who killed your friends– that's a cruel thought Asaba kept to himself, he has no intention to provoke the Champion. “So, to prevent turning into a monster, and in hopes of curing this sickness, I have to survive off meds. Various kinds. Some of them are too long for me to remember, so I kind of left it in the back of my head.” But how could he forget, when it's constantly there to remind him that he could pose a threat to the people he loves?
The nightmares of his past resurfaces each night, haunting him even in his sleep. Those days spent in a lab, abandoned by the parents he thought he loved him, and manipulated into a test subject for the greater good of the world. He survived, but at what cost? Is it really living if he has to be reminded that if not for his meds, he would have gone berserk? Is it worth living knowing that he could have lost everything he swore to protect one day, because his body rejects the medicine?
There are nights he spent counting stars and swallowing pills in a cold room, frightened by his reflection in the mirror. There's also days where he falls to the ground, shattering like porcelain. He was like a bud, who didn't got a chance to bloom.
Still, he thinks, the bitterness of his life is a reminder that he's still human. So he indulges in the bitter coffee with his meds mixed in, and treats it as raising a toast to living another day.
Unlike Lighter, he paints himself as somewhat of an optimist. Despite everything, he yearns to live, to be free of this sickness. He wants Yanagi to complain to his ears about his laziness, he wants to enjoy delicious food with Soukaku, he wants to participate with Chief Miyabi’s weird training programme. He eventually learns that his master manipulated him, without a doubt, but also accepted the fact that he loved him enough to create medicine for him to live. Because his master too wishes that he could bloom, and not wither away in the spring where life starts anew. Every second of his frail life is worth living. Even if it's days spent questioning his existence, even if he doesn't believe that there will be a tomorrow after today. Even if Yanagi makes him work over-time, even if he almost died from a mutated ethereal. Because the sun always rises, and he loves his morning strolls. So, he will live, and accept that the affect of his condition may be permanent, but at least he had lived his life to the fullest extent.
“What would you do if I turned into an ethereal, Lighter?” Asaba suddenly asks, his yellow eyes beaming with anticipation, curious at Lighter’s response.
“Kill you.” Lighter doesn't even hesitate, “gently.” He adds at the end, as if that would've made Asaba feel better.
“Haha,” Asaba laughs, “that’s so your style! You didn't even hesitate at all!” Yeah, Asaba likes that answer– he would rather die in Lighter’s arms than destroying what he cherishes.
“It's kind of ironic, actually. I can't live and you can't die.” One having to repent for his past sins, the other having limited time to appreciate his life. “Fate surely is twisted.” It's bizzare for them to cross paths, and Asaba enjoys the different perspective.“You’re a flame, and I'm merely a cinder.” He adds, Lighter who burns away the past, and Asaba who's a cinder holding onto the lingering warmth.
“No,” Lighter stops him from continuing further, “you’re a human, Asaba. Don’t take metaphors legitimately.” Lighter sighs, patting him on the shoulder, throwing him an annoyed glance.
“You’re so unromantic, Lighter!” Asaba whines, punching him playfully.
“I know.” Lighter remarks, “I’ve always been told that.”
“One day, if I extinguish…” Asaba wants to say something– it's not cruel for him to request Lighter to be the one to kill him when he actually does become an ethereal, right?
“I’ll light you back up.” The unexpected answer made Asaba freeze, as his eyes slowly trails up to Lighter’s face which had already been painted pink. “Is this how you use a metaphor? Anyways, that's my answer to your question.” He scratches his nape nervously, avoiding Asaba’s eyes.
If only Lighter knew Asaba’s eyes swirled with a myriad of colours, still stunned by his response. Asaba decides that in the cold nights, a gentle flame will suffice keeping him warm, and he will too keep the flame burning.
“You– literally said you were going to kill me if I turned into an Ethereal!” He whines, still holding a grudge from earlier.
“Yeah. But you haven’t transformed yet, have you?” Lighter retorts, running around the platform as Asaba chases him.
“What if one day I did?” Still, Asaba doesn't want to give up!
“Same answer.” Lighter replies coldly, but allows Asaba to throw him a playful punch or too. Now Asaba is the sly one, pretending to sulk at Lighter’s words.
“But… I do think that day is unreachable.”
“Why so?” Asaba raises his brow, curious with his input.
“Because you're trying hard and it's working, isn't it? Despite all the suffering you've gone through, you're still living every second of your life.” Lighter chuckles, “that's very admirable.” Asaba must be dreaming, because why does a brute like him suddenly feels so… gentle?
“I–” Asaba grabs Lighter by the hem of his jacket, “we’ve known each other for a while now, yeah.”
Lighter pauses. “Yeah.”
They've always been a professional relationship. Something that doesn't come close to friends, but not entirely segregated from that concept either. Lighter accepts payment and does what he is told to, and he performs the other hand of the deal. What they have is merely contractual.
Asaba wants to redefine that.
“So Lighter, uhm,”Asaba coughs, stopping the fighter from leaving. “I was asking,” he grabs onto the red scarf, “can I date you?” And Asaba musters all courage to ask, his voice louder than ever.
“Huh?!” Lighter exclaims, as if Asaba had said something insane, thinking it was a prank of sorts.
“I’m serious.” Asaba’s ready, unwavering.
A million thoughts flashed in Lighter’s mind. If one day, if Asaba truly does become an ethereal– does that mean he has to lose another precious one? Will he be ready to accept this?
Then again, he sees Asaba– he's full of life. Something fundamentally different from him. Perhaps, Asaba’s right, he should learn to live. Maybe just a little. Bit by bit. After all, to be love, is to be changed.
“Okay, Harumasa.” Lighter’s lip trembles.
And Asaba pulls him into a hug.
“We should adopt the bangboo we met just now. I’ll call the Phaeton and retrive it. Hmm, what should we name him?”
“We’re not becoming bangboo parents, Harumasa.”
“Do you hate anything fun and whimsical in your life?”
“... I can see why Caesar and Burnice like you, now.”